my neck can kick your neck's ass

this chick's job killer has kung-fu cred for days.

i had some shit talking here for a while, but now i disagree with it entirely. this job killer is fucking dope. thats it. i wish i had paid more attention to what the tattoo'd girl had on the rest of her damn body.

thumbs up for the living dead!

My dad, the New York city tour guide.

awwww

hahahahaahahahah, sometimes its the little things in the little pen ink, that make me lose my shit the hardest.

awwww they fuck just like people. people that um, leave money on the dresser and carry disease.

Pope gets no free pass on sesame street!

watch your mouth or get it cut wide open bitch! you're who? the what? fucking close that mouth up son! fucking kick ya whole ass apart!

look at grrrrrrub.

"So why did they finally go and kill that fucker Zipco?"

"Ohhhh, he made some joke about lil Joey, who died tragically and whose father igreatlyrespectandwouldlaydownmylifefor, so a bunch of us wops opened his bedroom door one night and caved his head in with a tac hammer."

"Zipco should have fucking watched his mouth, some things arent to be made fun of."

"Not true, luigi. everything has the potential to be made funny, but Zipco is a drunk, and a particularly lazy one at that. also, he fucking runs his mouth. so someone slammed a boxcutter into his ribs while he was laying down asleep on his chest and ripped across his whole back and reached inside and, believe me when i tell you, if i hadnt seen it with my two pizza-pie-eyes i never would have believed it... they ripped his fucking lungs out of his ribcage through his back and left them inflating weakly like little wings on his shoulders until that piece of shit finally got lucky and bled out in the gutter."

"teach that fucker, right mario?"

"One would think so, my little brother, but that fucking shitbomb was laughing all the way to the grave, kept saying the joke over and over. the joke that i of course will never repeat, for that would be unkind to the boy and it would show disrespect to his father, whom igreatlyrespectandwouldlaydownmylifefor"

TALENTED sons of bitches, these three. the one in the middle has the voice of an angel, and the guys on either side have the voices of guys from the brooklyn that would actually kidnap an angel, rough it up, get it high, freak it out, take a bunch of pictures of its onion and then force it to perform in front of strangers.

(please do not misunderstand, they may SEEM like the type who would do something like that, and the guy in the middle may SEEM like an angel, but just so you know, i walked up to him after the show to say they were great and he headbutted me with such reckless abandon that my nose exploded in blood and then he went at me like the penguin from batman 2, trying to bite off what he had just bunkerbombed. NO ONE is taking pictures of his onion.)

eating veggies witha bad ass knife covered with saw teeth doesnt make eating lil veggies cool. you should have slammed that thing into the closest fool who had meat and no knife (the idiot with the camera in one hand and delicious murdered animal on the other, so me i guess. no fuck that, eat your veggies.)

look how cute lil mauzer is...... the cool thing is that someone decided to make mauzer this ugly. im also gonna wager that the uglying up process helped lock in some of that anger that he taps into when he eats or mortally wounds the children that slip into the junkyard and are sumarrily buried in unmarked graves behind the ford on blocks.

i can read dog minds!

Mauzer- (to viewer) Hey you! Yeah you! You get the hell off my land!

Phil- Yeah, get um... yeah!

(Mauzer looks over shoulder to phil)

Mauzer- no, phil, you stay back. I've got this! (turns back around) Hey! i said hey, motherfucker!

Phil-Hey! how are you!

Mauzer- (turns back) no phil, angry! stay angry! (faces forward) yeah you, motherfucker!

Phil-Fuck my mother!

Mauzer- (head sinks) lets get you inside ok buddy? there are toys and treats inside. you like treats?

Phil- Treats! (phil bolts inside)

Mauzer- (to viewer) Alright, listen man, im tired. just do me a favor and go fuck yourself, i gotta watch old lightning in there before he burns this place down.

(and....... scene.)

"no... you're drunk. i'm not drunk.... i said you're the one... you drunk. ohhhhh fuck you, smart guy, hows that feel? i said it, you think youre soooo smart, well now... you drunk. what about that, huh? fuck you... oh, *cough* uhhhhh....god."

hey dont worry your pretty lil face, its alive! and Hello! to those three meth-heads in a utah shack! the "get well soon" deaththreats really helped.

there was a little coma last week that followed that fucking party.

sooooo yeah, that week (10 days) just shot right by.

sorry bout being worthless. it happens to the best of us.

(i was drunk and lazy, sue my chopshop.)

Well would you look at that. (that my friend, is a happy shirt.)

"I double dare you motherfucker!"

Hot Damn! This lil fucker knows the command "smile and inflate your eyeball with slime"

well there is a new part of my life now, his name is lil' Roscoe and despite the fact that there is the size reference of the hand, I'll ask you to please believe that he is the size of a moderately sized horse, not a real big one, but then again, he's not exactly small either, just the size of a horse that say, if you go to the horse whisperer and say you want to buy, ride, kill and eat a "regular" sized one and he gives you chaps, a handgun and your manhood back as well as a horse roughly the size of my boy here.

hell yes i want to be adopted, Sir! Why dont you look at my vest! look at my lil painted toes! (please oh christ oh christ oh shit oh fuck oh man oh man dont look at my bad eye dont look at my bad eye.) oh whats that? oh nothing, there is nothing wrong with my eye, i just spilled a little milk in it this morning when i was making coffee. (ok good, oh did they buy it? oh shit oh fuck oh man oh shit oh fuck.)