Momma said not to talk to strangers, but if you want something to read....

If he can read it, trust me darlin, he knows what you are.

(and did you read the damn name of the item? ohhhhh man. click to enlarge.)

Welcome to Florida (a pile of photos that start painting the picture.)

Welcome to Florida

WELCOME TO FLORIDA

Welcome to the South in general.

Welcome to Florida

Welcome to Florida (click to enlarge, read the plate.)

Welcome to Florida

this is a hell of a building

a fucking Master of Disguise

He is an artist the same way pollock was an artist. a brilliant sloppy mean spirited drunk. (No! neil is a sweethearted man who ruined four faces saturday night. god bless 'em.)

its important to clean everything with alchohol.

Everybody loves Raymond/Satan

Sure, it looks like ray romano has turned hardcore, but this kid is 100 percent alright. I mean he had a little pee on his jeans when the night was said and done, but I'd be a liar if I didnt say the same.

fucking hell, its far harder to defend shitty things I say on this fucking internet.

I have nothing to say about this cause my damn friend keeps yelling at me. jesus fuck.

he regrets this already.

Kim and Matt, Matt and Kim.

How could you not love matt and kim? I mean jesus fucking god, he is just the nicest son of a bitch at the bar, and she is like that sexy babysitter who your parents trust for some reason although she is only like a year older and totally on speaking terms with the devil. Also, they write songs that are impossible to get out your head. god bless the two of em. they put on a fine fucking show, and made a double header happen like clockwork last saturday. couple a geniuses.

look at them fucking tats, just phenomenal.

shit is god damned fantastic.(and yes there is flukeman in the background.)

rock

headless matt

creepy

hey there sweatstains, you're wearing women's pants. (who the hell authorized this kid to dress like this, a friend couldnt save him some fucking face? jesus christ there is a shoe string running down his crotch. just wow.)

Neil didnt even try to hide his pride in his work. too fucking funny. get that tattoo artist another beer!

Big thumbs up for being drunk at the wrong time in the wrong bar, sorry Flukeman.

Flukeman wants facial hair

Thumbs up for Literacy!

thats right his inside bottom lip says tampon.

Pendy is so very thirsty.

oh come on, we all saw this face coming.

this road trip thats coming up is going to be fucking amazing. we are all going to jail. hahahahahaha

just wow. everything neil touches feels like a sporting event. (yes, this giant man seems like a sporting event now.)

Censorship, Part Two of, Please God, Two

when you're right you're right. and lady, you're right.


(alright?)
(damn deer for making me read what I fucking write.) (its so much easier to post and move on, post and move on.)

my sweet pup Patches is all grown up! (holy shit, I mean come on. Creative facial hair always comes off retarded.

Patches, my sweet Patches.

my childhood pup, Patches.

this is a sucka puppet I made, it dances with strings and takes actual photography, rather than the snapshots I flood the blogernet with. its humbling really, that my marionette is so adept with digital film. none the less, the puppet is hard to control and unweildy much as I imagine the real sucka is.(it was either puppetry or another vampire reference,and i think that shit is a little tired to pull a running theme out of.)

good god get this man a drink, he's been dry docked for too long, look at him, his shutters are half down already.

I could spend the next twenty years of my life damn near completely satisfied if i could just keep making Q laugh. jesus that shit makes me happy. fucking god look at that man.

imagine this picture lasted 5 hours. noah (dracula, pictured) put that damn bottle to fucking sleep. then he pretended he was a ghost and scared the shit out of me while i was half awake. he was a pretty ghose with a long tail on its wedding dress

Pendy and Count Blacula (hahahahaha, pendy's joke with my voice)

Q lands falls ass first into fantastic situations.

If there was ever a finger that demanded a ring. Jesus, Ive got to buy three of them. thats right Q, that slow dance we shared meant the world to me.

how fucking crazy is it that they both, coincidentally are total savants. they both sat down, never had taken a lesson in their lives, and played random keys in random order... and then threatened me physically until I told them they were great? Leon slapped me so hard I lost a wisdom tooth. Q just stood there, with cold eyes, until i teared up and gave him my wallet. (no no no, they were really good though, and it was weird cause it wasnt plugged in or anything. huh?)

She held this pose for 8 minutes while singing from memory her favorite passages from gravity's rainbow. It was intimidating to say the least. then Q tackled her. it was hysterical. it taugh us all the valuable lesson of what happens when you try to intimidate Q. then Q picked up three or four women and started to juggle while singing chaucer in baratone. We is CLASSY bitches.

noah and deer mid half drunk battle

oh, she has the moves

this pic of pendy still gives me vertigo

My straight six is straight six feet under

here is Leon looking at how they got my new car.
They fucking buried it alive.
There is now a very pleasing garden filled with mint and roseary, instead of my leather interior and ENGINE(!) that used to fucking drive me to work.

(thank you alphabet city, for making my gas guzzeling point of pride into an eco-friendly potted plant.)

here is Kev at last week's vice photo shoot. he stands here with Dom' and Sasha, two model/bartenders that posed with him as police officers. Its all for the new Hipster Van that Vice is pushing. its the new cool thing. Soon enough you'll be seeing everyone in them, whether they want to be or not. Its the new retro.

jesus christ kev', you're smiling like someone bought you a beer. you are one upbeat sum'bitch. An inspiration.

Ready to spit teeth, Boy?

Wilfred Brimley (pictured) has had his appendix removed sure sure, but with it they took an 85 pound tumor, one lung, 35 percent of his heart, 85 percent of the combined weight of his kidneys as well as 16 feet of his lower intestine. after all that, far skinnier and full of piss and vinegar apparently, he said this. "Shit, you could have taken my spine and both my arms and I'd still be able to spit blood and tabacee hard enough to kill a man. all that shit you took out was just slowin me down, now if you'll excuse me, I have to introduce that loud mouth in the corner of my favorite bar directly to God Almighty. I aint got time to suffer no fools." with that he cracked the knuckles in his right hand and said "thats right ladies, you sound off good and loud."

I see you. (well not right now, but pretty damn often.)

I like seeing antlers around. Its been damn fun.