Who's Laughing Now, Dignity? (an example and title of some shirts I think would be funny to see on someone else.)

1.
Front
"My Other Car is a Girl Who Dumped Me For Wearing Slogan T-Shirts That Make Me Look Like An Asshole. Like This One, Worn By This Complete ASSHOLE."

Back
"But Who Cares, She Had an Ass the Size of a Fucking Buick Anyways."

2.
Front.
I'm Big in Japan (pic of smiling cartoonish Japanese Schoolgirl.)

Back.
But White Girls Say My Dick is a Fucking Joke.
(Please Dont Ask About What Women of Other Races Think. It's Much More Vulgar and Depressing. They Dont Think It's Funny at All, It's an Insult Somehow. I'm Getting Sad, You Keep Looking At My Back and Now, Now You Are Walking Away. Goodbye. Forever.)

3.
I'd Rather be Fishing,
Secure in the Knowledge That my Parents Died with Some Kind of Dignity.
(But I'll Settle Knowing That Some Stranger Was Paid to Wipe Their Ass and Roll Them Free of Bed Sores.)(This Isn’t Cool, Thats Not True, I Love My Parents. Oh... it's True. I Feel Awful.)

4.
If I Am Seen In A Terrible Accident, Please, PLEASE, Leave for Dead.
(No Health Insurance, Bills Will Enter Me Into Crippled Lifetime of DEBT.)

5.
I Wish I Was Autistic, So I Could Play the Drums or Do Math Quickly.

(Knock my Fucking Beer On the Floor to Stand Up For Your Autistic Relative.)

6.
I Need a Slogan On My Fucking Chest. You Hear Me? I NEED It.
(One Could Describe My Social Grace As... Hopelessly Fucking Retarded.)
(Get Off Your High Horse, You Are Lonely as Shit Too and No Great Book Reader Either.)

7.
I WANTED to Dress Identical to the Eight Other Assholes Wearing This Shirt at the Party.
(I'm stealing Cell Phones, Pocket Sized Electronics, DVDS and Whatever They Have Behind the Mirror in the Bathroom.)

(so I could go on, but I'm sleepy and completly feeling sick again. if these come off retarded, well shit. I'll try harder when I feel well, If I care. but most likely I'll catch enough shit from loved ones in a quick rush and I can just take the fucker down. fever writing with no type of second look, sounds like a great move. This was all off the top of my head, feel free to one up me with hours to craft your insult or comment perfectly, smash my thoughts. Its all quite all right.)

(after All I am just a sickly young man, malnurished, and cancer patient lookin. knock that fuck down a peg. sounds like a plan.)

Everything was going great until she kicked me in the business end of my business end.

The long title to the short story of my even shorter initial test run of having a sense of humor in the presence of a girl on our first date. (Age 12)

(See also, age 13-24.)


(Age 25, however, is going to be my motherfucking year.)
(I am officially going to retire the idea of calling any part of my body at all my "business end" I will be a verbally described and physically presented “business-free” zone.)

(A non-enterprising body, indeed.)

(How boring I will be, at 25. having retired from the business of getting shall we say “physical.”)