old man- "excuse me miss, i dropped my prostate behind you... oh. oh my. why hello."

old lady with fake boobs and dark shades to hide her age- "hello yourself, moneybags. want to make the kind of love that is disturbing in not only a visual and audial way but also, is fucking disgusting even in vague theory? i have old leathery skin that needs attention. so much attention in fact that i filled it with artificial objects that sags of their own accord. its a completely different form of bodily decay! exciting right? what was the name on your credit card again? ahem, ahem, i mean what was your name again?"


adorable dog- "can you believe this shit? im gonna cover my own genitals with peanut butter tonight and go to town. that gold digger isnt the only one getting some tonight."